So you want to throw a party!
But how do you make it memorable?
The definition of party - a social gathering of invited guests, typically involving eating, drinking, and entertainment. Other words for party are gathering, festivity, celebration, get-together, and jamboree. When forming held, we shared a common goal: to create more impactful community gatherings. We then listened to this podcast featuring Priya Parker, author of The Art of Gathering, and were even more inspired to bring held to life. Parker discusses why connection and purpose are so important - especially in our post-pandemic lives - and how to create it. Yes, there are moments when a coffee catch-up or wine at the bar with friends is quite lovely, and those moments are important, but Parker encourages us to question why we’re gathering in the first place and what is its purpose. She implores us to reconsider the same old party formats and instead of starting with what cake you should buy, ask yourself: what’s the goal of celebrating this year’s birthday? Is it to acknowledge and celebrate five years of being cancer-free, or maybe it’s about helping a friend be nostalgic and relive a childhood birthday party? Whatever the reason, the purpose then acts as a helpful guide to decide where to host the party, what, if any, people should say in remarks, who to invite, what people should wear, etc. Starting with purpose first allows us to create more meaningful moments and connections that ideally lead to personal growth.
As we continue to learn and evolve our held gatherings, some principles from The Art of Gathering help to guide our event formats. Our September event is focused on the art of gathering and entertaining, and we are excited to partner with Chef Eva Mrak of Spoondrift Kitchen to help us elevate our cocktail game and noshing board creations so that we can ensure an aesthetically beautiful evening for our guests. We chatted with Eva about her business and how she’s gathered with purpose.
Tell us about Spoondrift Kitchen and what inspired you to launch your business.
EM: I grew up in a family that honored the ritual of gathering together for a meal. Our dining table was where we connected, discussed, debated, and built the foundation of our family culture. It was a place of ritual where we had Sunday brunch all together for over 30 years until all the kids went off to college (it is still practiced to this day when we all come together). The table was always filled with homemade food that looked beautiful, was made from scratch, and celebrated local ingredients. This is where I learned to value the act of coming together around food, and when I launched Spoondrift Kitchen, that was the culture and experience I wanted to create for all my clients.
Held's mission is to gather with purpose. What does gathering with purpose mean to you?
EM: Eating is one of the last remaining rituals we practice in our modern culture. We used to have songs, dances, walkabouts, art, and meaningful ceremonies that would signify turning points in our lives, seasonal changes, and spiritual awakenings. As humans, we used these ceremonies to ground ourselves and gather as a community. Without those communal celebrations, we are less likely to feel connected to one another. But food still fosters ritualized gatherings, and that is why I cook for others.
At Held's February event, you mentioned wanting to be more playful with your events and using the example "hot dogs on china plates." If you were to create an event where "play" was the purpose, what would that look like?
EM: My dream event is to gather a small group of friends together, open the host’s fridge, and create a dinner together using whatever we find. No recipes, no pre-plan. Play is an essential piece of jump-starting the imagination and self-expression. It’s empowering, light-hearted, and deeply profound. Cooking intuitively without recipes is my favorite way to play because it uses all of the senses and cognitive thinking and produces a product that can fuel the body.
Imagine you're hosting an evening dinner with friends. What are your go-tos to create a memorable experience for your guests?
EM: A noshing board to start, always. Beautiful, colorful, tactile, and gathers everyone together around the same table. I love collecting platters, antique barware, and beautiful plates. Vision dominates something like 90% of our senses, and therefore, even subconsciously, our brain will always judge food first by how it looks and is presented. I choose glassware that I enjoy holding in my hand and putting to my lips, and I choose platters that will help elevate the appearance of even the most mundane item I place in it.
What was your most memorable gathering and why?
EM: As I mentioned above, Sunday brunches were a core part of my upbringing. It is synonymous with “home” for me. Our family meals anchored my family and meant so much to my parents and siblings. It was how my mom creatively expressed herself and where we had some of our most interesting conversations (like “Why do fish have eyes?”). We had a revolving door of family and friends who would attend and enliven the experience. I remember growing my love of food in those moments and feeling most connected to my family. Even though I didn’t start cooking for myself until my senior year of college, those brunches and family dinners remain some of my most profound and relevant inspirations today.
We are also thrilled to be partnering with Cheesemonger, Wine Buyer, and Owner of The Cheese Shop, Mary Chapman! We recently popped by The Cheese Shop to select cheeses for the event and chat with Mary about her background more about their new shop, Sissle & Daughters.
1. Can you share with us what inspired you to become a cheesemonger? MC: Since my first job working at Mr. Bagel in Portland's Old Port at age 14, my work has always centered around food. Even at that early age, I loved talking to people about what they liked and then customizing their orders based on their preferences. Over the years, I worked in restaurants, and wine bars, learned to make wine at some amazing California wineries, and eventually found my way to cheese when I took a sales position with Cowgirl Creamery. What tied all of these jobs together was providing people with something delicious for them to come together; good food to share with good company. Having met my husband and business partner, Will, at that job at Cowgirl Creamery, we always knew that sharing these products we love would be something we would do together.
2. Imagine you're hosting an evening dinner with friends. What are your go-tos to create a memorable experience for your guests? MC: You can't own a cheese shop and not provide a great spread of cheeses, meats, and tasty things to go with them. I love to create a spread that allows my guests to really get in there and experience the textures and flavors of the foods I serve, and I don't like to be too precious about it. That means putting out big hunks of cheese, thick slices of pate, a loaf of bread to rip at, etc. I love the playfulness of cutting just the right size piece of whatever items I want and making the perfect bite. Pre-portioning and putting out little appetizer forks or tiny tongs may be more artful and certainly makes sense for certain large gatherings, but with friends or family, let's just get in there together and really experience this food for all of its crumbly or spreadable or stinky goodness.
3. Congratulations on the upcoming new space, Sissle & Daughters! Can you tell us a little more about this new location and space? MC: Thank you, and yes! We are so excited to open Sissle & Daughters Coffee, Wine Bar & Grocer in Woodford's Corner. We have spoken to so many people in the neighborhood about the need for a comfortable and welcoming space to gather, and also the need for a place to grab some high-quality foods and beverages to take home and get dinner on the table quickly. At Sissle & Daughters, one space will serve as an all-day cafe; in the morning, you can get your cappuccino and a great piece of crumbly coffee cake and enjoy it at our light-filled bar or take it to go. As the day goes on, the cafe will transition to a wine bar where you can snack on a cheese plate, housemade charcuterie, or a fantastic salad while sharing some meticulously sourced (yet approachable!) wine with friends. When you finish up, just pop up the stairs to our grocer, where we will have many of our favorite pantry items that you may know from The Cheese Shop, and my favorite part, take-and-heat meals like Beef Bourguignon, Mushroom Lasagne with housemade noodles, perfect Mac & Cheese, and sides like Roasted Cabbage with Brown Butter Sauce or Fennel au Gratin. Throw in a bottle of wine from our wine shelf, and you've got dinner, whether it's you and the family, or you're throwing together something quick and easy for guests. As a busy mom of two little girls, I am all about convenience, but I also need that end-of-a-long-day meal to be a DELICIOUS one, and that is what I want to provide to our customers.
Last but certainly not least, we would also like to thank Mai Vino for donating wine for our evening. Mai Vino’s organic wine is packaged in airtight pouches that keep it fresher longer and reduce its carbon footprint by 80%!
IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS
Tenaya and Mary Beth share what inspires their gatherings and their go-to entertaining and hosting items.
Tenaya
Since early adulthood, the best gatherings were those that ended in a dance party. It was a sign that the guests felt comfortable enough to let loose. And when living in Chicago in my twenties, I had a friend who was not only the master of creating impromptu dance parties but also aweing her guests. It was her Halloween parties, in particular, that were the most memorable. Katie would invite her closest friends, and when you arrived, her condo was covered with gossamer and the most spooky decorations. You were also immediately greeted with the biggest hug, asked what type of cocktail you wanted (she always had your ingredients on hand), and told to acknowledge “Hipster Hal,” a goblin-looking mannequin who was standing directly at the top of the stairs as the backup host. Every detail at her party was thought through, from the timing of when guests sat down to eat to the personal tunes (everyone had their favorite song included on the list) to the well-curated invite list. You always felt special because she had gone “all out” for her ten friends. When introducing you, she was fiercely passionate about how much she adored you and gave thoughtful introductions that made you feel not only impressed by her memory but that you mattered. She made you float with her personal touches. And inevitably, by midnight, the party would head downstairs for a dance party that would evolve into roaring laughter.
Over the years, I’ve hosted large-scale events at the Art Institute of Chicago and across New York City—gatherings designed to impress. But I’ve always found that the more intimate settings, or the breakout sessions within marquee events, were the ones that had the most impact. In those carefully designed spaces, real progress happened—whether it was boosting museum memberships or forging partnerships that helped share data to benefit local communities.
When it comes to my own dinner parties, my husband and I plan meals that would feel personal to our guests. One of us is always with the guests while the other is in the kitchen, prepping and putting the final touches on the dinner. Our designated roles ensure the meal comes out well prepared and that the guests feel engaged and welcomed. We may not end our dinner parties with a dance party (I would love that if we did!), but we’ve heard that everyone leaves feeling seen and cared for.
Mare
Growing up, our household was a rotating door of celebrations. My cousins lived across the street, and my great aunts and uncle lived next door - it was always someone’s birthday (including the dog), and when it wasn’t, there was a holiday - Christmas, Easter, St. Patrick’s Day, 4th of July. Gatherings were a big part of my upbringing, and I can still hear the roar of laughter from all the adults as they played Trivial Pursuit while sipping cocktails and smoking cigarettes. Events and dinner parties were then a big part of my life during my corporate beauty days. When looking to buy our first home, our (my) checklist included a kitchen that people would enjoy gathering around, a spot for our Christmas tree(s), and a backyard that could fit a bounce house, alongside other more practical items. While our house didn’t check all the boxes - I do love a porch! - It did check a lot, and I love it and the gatherings we have hosted here so very much. I’m also happily surrounded by friends who know how to throw a party and have wonderful traditions of their own - one friend has shared that her grandmother always had a bowl of cheese balls available at family gatherings that sparked childhood memories for her guests, and another has created some of the most memorable and thoughtful birthday events, another friend - the most considerate and chic dinner parties during the doldrums of Maine winters - one bud creates the absolute perfect dirty gin martini named after the street she grew up on that leads to sweet storytelling about her neighborhood front porch gatherings, and after frequently visiting a good friend in London for several summers in a row I couldn’t shake the idea of a Sunday roast - and I love them so much for that. Our held events are often designed with concepts shared by Priya in The Art of Gathering, but my at-home gatherings are a bit more casual - yet still intentional. I think it’s best not to overthink it-that would take away the fun of the jamboree. Sometimes all you need for a core memory evening is a good chip, dip, bubbly, and buds.
Themes—If you know me, you know I love a theme. There’s a time and a place for a theme, though. Every backyard gathering doesn’t have to require a costume (that sounds exhausting), but a theme moment a few times a year; sign me up.
Music / Dance - I can’t shake this NYT article about dancing and how we need more of it in our lives. Dancing doesn’t happen at every shindig (ohhh another word for a party!), but it does make everyone smile a bit more - and that party stand out - when it does!
Goodwill, eBay, and Etsy dinnerware finds. I have a growing collection of these items in our basement (don’t tell Mike) because life is short—wear the dress and buy the $5 fun floral china from 1986.
The sky’s the limit on budget? In my next life, I’m throwing all parties La Double J style. In the meantime, though, a quick shout-out to Walmart for theme party items. Their Dolly Parton serving trays are the gift that keeps on giving.
UPCOMING held HAPPENINGS
The Art of Gathering and Entertaining - Thursday, September 19th, 6-9 PM @ The Custom House
Held is partnering with Chef Eva Mrak of The Spoondrift Kitchen for an evening to celebrate intentional gatherings. Attendees will learn how to create more meaningful gatherings for themselves and their guests and elevate their event’s aesthetic.
Held is partnering with Abbie Gross, an herbalist, postpartum doula, and holistic natural foods chef, for our October event. Attendees will walk away with a better understanding of how hormonal changes can impact multiple aspects of a woman’s well-being, what causes those changes besides age, how to detect the signs and symptoms, and the types of nourishment needed to help regulate the imbalance.
Experience an after-hours private tour with a curator of the Portland Museum of Art’s Peggy Bacon exhibit. The evening will be spent discussing and creatively expressing how Bacon’s satirical window into the social structures of the United States still holds relevance today, particularly in areas of gender, education, and class.
SHOUT OUTS
Betsy Bertoni, former event director at FENDI, Vanity Fair, and Calvin Klein, has created Artful Living by Betsy - beautifully hand-painted table cards, tablescapes, menus, pennant banners, floral designs, and more that make the most memorable and unique of gatherings. Follow along here and for more information on her swoon-worthy creations - https://www.instagram.com/artful_living_by_betsy/ or email her - elizabeth.low@gmail.com
ABOUT
Held was an idea that developed over a cup of coffee. Tenaya and Mary Beth are passionate about their Portland, Maine, female community and ensuring others feel supported and connected.
Modern life can often be frenetic and lonely, and most people do not prioritize building their community because it feels daunting or inaccessible. Held believes that feeling seen and having a sense of belonging are key to one’s well-being. It’s committed to developing events that inspire, promote inclusivity, and celebrate diversity of thought to foster meaningful relationships and personal growth. Held designs each gathering to be transformative by reimagining human connection.
To receive invites, please sign up here and share with those who would be interested. We hope to see you soon!